I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
