She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
