Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
