guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
