the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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