well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
