Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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