everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
