evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
