I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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