Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize