Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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