i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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