That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
