i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
