I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
