She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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