he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
