New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
