She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
