i just sent this text using only my big toe
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
