my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
