i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
