She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They have beer where we have blood.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
