Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
