I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
