I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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