where am i from again
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
