12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
