wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
