I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Found your dick twin last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
