physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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