fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
