the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
