I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she looked like the before picture.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
