There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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