All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
