"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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