If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
