So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
