I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
