craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
