you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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