DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
