I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
