Banned from zoo.
Again?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
