Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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