I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
