so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
