You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
