no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
