You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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