ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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