forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
