glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize