My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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