just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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