The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
