Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
