Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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