Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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