Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
