I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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