I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize